i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
