haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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