At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
You made out with two different species that night
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
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