I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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