he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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