every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
only you would photoshop your dick
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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