are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
God I need to hump something, right now.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
