My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
