why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
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Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
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What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
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