Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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