ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
