I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
