I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
