got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
