I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
