We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
