im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
