What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
