It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
