Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Randomize
