you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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