i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
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Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize