Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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