id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
