I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
