i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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