We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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