Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
