Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Randomize
