I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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