last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
