Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
