he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
We're too hungover to prance.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
