i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
