i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
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I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
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Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
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