i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
