I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
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theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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