Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
