i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
