i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Randomize
