I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
