i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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