i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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