I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
