I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.