omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.