btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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