I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.