Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Sexist Restaurant Owner Tells Woman To ‘Keep Her Legs Open’ After Firing Her
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
19 True Stories So Scary You May Never Turn The Lights Off Again
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.