$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.