i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
handjob tips. give me some.
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We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
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Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?