"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
