i need an iv and a liver transplant
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Buhtt sex?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
