Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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