I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
