apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
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i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
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It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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