you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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