I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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