Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
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