Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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