it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
