I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Randomize
