I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
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Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
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I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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