So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
