Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Randomize
