My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize