Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
