I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
The feeling are messing with the penis
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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