I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I just threw up on my dentist
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
