Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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