Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
