i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
