You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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