Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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