Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
