I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
You need Xanax blowdarts
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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