Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
