I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
