So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Randomize
