I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
how do flat chested girls get laid?
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can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
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The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize