New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
