Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
please come you make the beer taste better
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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